HR, let you answer
From the heights of an IT specialist gray:
You know, progers are not children,
We are not the last fuck we eat.
You have pumped, no
doubt And pour words deftly,
Probably for many years
Developed in terms of skill.
It’s always like this: an eichar at a meeting,
Having shown the tails of a
peacock , Will crush thoughts with eloquence,
And how you settle down - in the bushes.
What is the programmer interested in?
Nice office, share in the business?
And now I will answer honestly:
We are interested in a lot of money.
Sit down here, listen to me,
I'll tell you without bae:
We love to sleep, walk and eat,
And bring joy to the family.
We don't give a damn about open spaces,
Agile, Scrum and Kipiai,
It is important for us to be always in the process
And to overwork .
Our mind is almost a computer
And it is at the same time with the IDE.
And to be honest, we are up to the navel,
Is the boss going to an IPO.
We will quickly merge your best solution
Deploy to the server and commit.
It happens that our sleep is disturbed
And the head hurts in the morning.
I will seem toxic to you,
Being honest is toxic these days.
But usually
you do not collect pearls - manure.
Those who go through all one hundred stages
And write the code on the pieces of paper,
Who quietly folds both paws
And come to the office to sit.
He will code very honestly,
And quietly ctrl-from github,
Then everything crashes on sale,
But it's the tester's fault.
A good developer, Zaya,
Will not write with a wet hand
that he knows sorting,
He will just show his code.
No algorithms dust needed,
They all google, you know.
And you need a lot of
commits BOTH clean code and codestyle.
Skillful refactoring is needed, The
ability to remove legacy,
Good monitoring is needed,
So that the nodes do not drop forever.
And an adequate product is needed,
Which is not pro forma for the sake of
TK by creation loaded
And knows that customers are b ** d.
We need a dialogue with the authorities -
And an adequate dialogue!
So that without show-off and without bragging
Our boss could set tasks.
We need a new, valuable experience,
A variety of tasks,
You will not hear a sad murmur
At the moment of IT failures.
We don't care about your agile,
we don't like it for a long time.
We fry the big code with debug,
And we are already bored .
We don't need a hammock in the office,
put the Meatap into your mindcart.
Our work is hard and fusion,
well, that is, synthesis and straight hard.
We would have an adequate code review
AND an adequate interface,
and a monitor so that it was pleasant -
It shines in our face for days.
We don't give a damn about corporations,
and we don't give a damn about assessment.
Colleagues and salary are
important , And it is important to know the price of yourself.
Do you want to hear my English?
I read on it and keep quiet.
I have a provincial registration
And I want a remote job.
But in general, we need a little: The
backlog of well-thought-out tasks,
So as not to pull from everyone strained,
What they need - it's too much.
Trust and gratitude -
After all, a programmer is a person. Leave
this elitism of yours to
those who pay the check.
We pour life into
numbers And rule the world with an algorithm.
We turn bugs into features.
You give me task and hold my beer.
Good luck to you in search,
IT world is superior.
You are brave, which means
your best senior will find you.