My name is Tanya, I am 27 years old and just recently I realized that I am an addict. I do not smoke, do not use drugs, and hardly drink. It was once a part of my life, but now it is long gone. Now I am actively involved in sports, I am an excellent student at the university and I am constantly engaged in self-development and (s̶a̶m̶o̶r̶a̶z̶r̶u̶sh̶e̶n̶i̶e̶m̶) self-improvement. Here you might even ask “what's the problem? Maybe she wants to attract attention and collect compliments ”?
In fact, everything is simple: chemical addictions have been replaced by socially acceptable ones. The damage caused by drugs and alcohol is crystal clear, but other forms of addiction are much more difficult. For example, what's wrong with active sports or self-development? It's okay if you don't have an addiction problem. If there is, then you do not feel yourself, your needs and become simply possessed by the desired object of activity until you find yourself driven and devastated. Even a socially approved pastime, such as reading, can turn the addicted person into a recluse who avoids contact with reality.
So my "diagnosis" is emotional addiction. The real world feels like a vacuum to me. I run from this vacuum in search of new emotions (not always positive). These emotions should be strong, all-encompassing, such as falling in love, inspiration, excitement, anger, rage. Thanks to them, I feel alive, the world becomes colorful and interesting. But sooner or later the euphoria ends, and I return to the state of a familiar vacuum - an immense emptiness within myself. At such moments, the thought is annoyingly spinning in my head: "If the world is so gray and meaningless, then I don't want to live in it." Further, frustration, a state of apathy, a feeling of emptiness within oneself, after which again the search for something that will pull me out of this state. And the circle repeats over and over. The question arises: where does this come from and how to get rid of it?
Let's take a big step back in human history and consider the social models of society. Ryan Eisler, American anthropologist in his work "Bowl and Blade" makes a deep historical overview of the culture of the planet and an evolutionary view of the two main models of the form of human relations in society. She calls these models the “partnership model” and the “dominance model”. The first model of partnership is based on unity, cooperation and satisfaction of mutual needs in society. R. Eisler discovered numerous legends and archaeological data that describe the early form of civilization, where large areas existed, the population of which maintained peace and prosperity for a long period. In such a model of society, there was a cult of a woman, the Great Mother. Remains of material culture, art and myths indicatethat this ancient social culture was based on equality. Power, risk and all kinds of social services were distributed regardless of gender. This collaborative approach helped to create united and harmonious relationships between people and other nations. In the middle of the 4th millennium BC, the cult of the feminine begins to be supplanted by the cult of the masculine, which leads to a polar type of civilization - "dominant society". It is associated with masculinity, values a willingness to give one's life and destructive actions such as conquering territory and warriors. Such social. culture is built on inequality and, as a rule, places one part of society over another. A group of people who stood above hold power in their hands, take risks and receive all the rewards, distribute rewards,leaving the lower group powerless and often poor. People in such a society, instead of mutual cooperation, are bound by competition, use a comparative way of thinking - "you" or "me" and form a hierarchy that is supported by force or the threat of force. This creates an atmosphere of distrust and disunity. This model creates a codependent society, opposing it to an interdependent society with a partner model.
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This path is long and thorny, you need to stock up on courage and determination to go through the path of recovery, periodically sliding into destructive states, as well as face your weakness and vulnerability, and somehow withstand it. In spite of everything, it can be lived. You need to give yourself time.
Hope this article was helpful to you. Any constructive feedback would be grateful.