We "hang" on video zones and drown in the sea of e-mail. 2020 influenced our communication and just right to add to the resume - "I effectively conduct negotiations in a remote format." And how is it - to conduct negotiations effectively, and especially not in live?
Do you know what grooming is?Not in the context of flexible design or grooming. Grooming is also called the process of mutual combing in monkeys. With its help, primates build relationships with each other, create social bonds and go through the process of social adaptation. The results of this process are “conventional units” of mutual respect, which are taken into account in the hierarchical system of the pack. For human society, as well as for primates, the group self-preservation instinct, or hierarchical instinct, is closely related to the individual self-preservation instinct. Therefore, it is so important for us to be able to build relationships within the group. The neurons responsible for thinking about relationships in society are also responsible for other thought processes.
As much as our brain “knows” about our relationships with people, we are just as good at thinking about everything else, including, for example, mathematical thinking or the construction of other complex intellectual objects.
Hence:
- The better we can build relationships, the higher we can climb the hierarchical ladder.
- The better we are able to negotiate, the more efficiently we solve other mental problems, “we think better”.
Negotiation is the skill that allows us to train our brain and solve the above problems. Effective negotiation has many advantages: self-confidence, a detailed approach to problem solving, more control over your life, more money, more peace of mind.
What is negotiation?
There are a large number of definitions of negotiation in modern literature. My favorite is Stuart Diamond's multi-layered view of negotiation in his book Negotiations That Work. 12 strategies that can help you get more in any situation. " This definition of negotiation reflects the evolution of the negotiator, who begins to build the process with focus on himself, and gradually shifts the focus of attention outward:
- Forcing people to do your will.
- Convincing people to think the way you want them to.
- Convincing people to perceive what you want them to perceive.
- Convincing people to feel what you want them to feel.
With strength, it's easier to force people to do what we want. But how comfortable will people be? How much will your social capital be affected? Will this strategy work in the long term?
Convincing people that their point of view is correct is a great approach that builds on the rationality of people. But do not forget about the emotions that are characteristic of people. By nature, people are used to acting irrationally.
In order to convince people to perceive what you want, you need to try to look at the subject of negotiations through the eyes of your opponents. What do they think? How do they imagine the subject of negotiations?
The hardest part is to tap into the feelings of our opponents. You've probably seen or heard of tough negotiators who achieve everything. But what "trail" do they leave behind? The ability to understand the feelings of the opponent and convey your own in the negotiation process can be called a humane approach to negotiations.
We are not negotiating with terrorists
Have you ever wondered why children are the best negotiators in the world?
- They have a clear goal. They always know what they want to achieve in a particular situation and are not distracted in negotiations.
- They have studied their opponents in detail and know the approach to each of them.
- They know who makes the final decision in negotiations and immediately go to this person, and do not spend hours in empty conversations with those who do not decide anything.
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- Children can clearly form a sense of need in their opponent. The very feeling that makes us make rash decisions. Remember those last 5 minutes before leaving the house when the child remembers that today he had to dress completely differently.
- They know how to refuse you and are ready to use the most powerful negotiator's tool - the word "No".
All this makes children the best negotiators in the world, with whom it is so difficult to negotiate.
What prevents us from being the same?
Each of us considers himself to be a good negotiator. This skill is given to us from birth and someone uses it regularly. Most of us living in countries with Western culture do not need it before starting a conscious work activity. After all, we live in "hothouse" conditions, in which we have nothing to negotiate with anyone and nothing about. Therefore, when we find ourselves in a negotiating situation with an experienced negotiator that is unusual for us, we agree to everything that is imposed on us.
Once I happened to visit a market in an African country. This market sold excellent handicrafts from local artisans. Giraffes, elephants, rhinos, carved from solid pieces of wood so skillfully that you could see the folds in their skin. An incredible number of different products. The market smelled of wood, exotic fruits, shouts and curses were heard from everywhere between buyers and sellers. This market was not planned in our program and we got there on the last day of our tour. There was literally money left for the last supper. It was in this market that I felt how weak I am in negotiations. The local sellers were much more experienced than me, and when, after turning out all my pockets, I showed them that I had not a single cent left,I was asked to part with my T-shirt as a surcharge for the wooden elephant I was interested in.
Negotiations need to be learned and, most importantly, trained. If you read 40 books on how to play tennis, you still can't beat Rafael Nadal.
How to learn negotiation
There is only one possible answer here: in practice. There is no other way. I urge you to do this wisely, for this you can study the minimum set of materials on this topic, keep records and adapt your approaches for subsequent negotiations. In this series of articles, we will look at the main stages of negotiation with you and form a "checklist" of the negotiator that will help us improve ourselves.
Where to study
We have a huge field for practicing our skills. You can train at work, at home, bargaining in the market. You can train your skills in negotiation clubs, which can be organized in every company. It is a great place to try a variety of skills, tactics, strategies, and negotiating roles in a “safe” environment. During training negotiations, you can look at others from the outside and get feedback from the participants. There are also non-corporate clubs to hone negotiation skills. One of the most popular in our country is "Negotiation duels", which are held using the technology of Vladimir Tarasov.
2020 - the year of digital negotiations
This year has seen major shifts in the way we produce our communications. We now have the opportunity to “digitize” them. Not only in the sense that they switched to chat rooms or that we began to record our meetings using modern tools. We have a real opportunity to calculate how much time we spend on various types of communications. Each of you can do this by looking at your calendar. I am sure that for each profession, company, the numbers will be different. I will give you my own, as an example.
I work as a project manager in development. I have 1 project in my work and also several activities on the internal processes of the company. On average, for a 40-hour work week, I have 15 to 20 hours of various calls planned, plus additional unscheduled meetings appear. It turns out that in the period from April to October (which is about 30 weeks) I had more than 600 hours of meetings, and this figure will grow steadily. During this time, we had to learn to meet online.
According to 2020 data from American researchers Barbara Pease and Alana Pease, more than 65 percent of information is read by us non-verbally and only 35 percent is transmitted through words. What means of non-verbal communication do we know:
- poses
- gestures
- appearance, including our clothes
- distance
- eye contact
- tactile movements (handshakes, any touch)
- movement in space
Going online has robbed us of some of this important communication. The means of communication used very poorly convey the gestures and postures of the interlocutor, complicate eye contact, generally do not convey distance, tactile movements and movements in space. But it gets worse if the camera is turned off. Imagine, we are depriving our brain of more than half of all the information that is so important to it.
One of the hallmarks of going online has become fatigue. Imagine that our brains now have to do more unfamiliar work to get the information they need. Requirements for the quality of online meetings are reaching a new level in 2020.
How to negotiate online
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If you feel insecure as a negotiator, e-mail is a great way to negotiate. This format of communication makes it possible to think over and give a balanced answer. Be careful, though, there are a number of things to consider about email. It is worth remembering that an e-mail letter does not carry an emotional connotation and can be perceived with the emotions in which the reader is at the moment. For example, the recipient of your letter has just left the executive's office after a tough conversation. Probably, while reading your letter, his emotions will be negative and the perception of the letter will be negative.
Email Writing Tips
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Have you ever wondered how many difficulties could be avoided if we applied the skills of effective negotiation? Negotiations that are focused not only on winning, but on maintaining relationships and cooperation. Negotiations that allow you to maintain relationships with business partners, colleagues at work, friends, loved ones and yourself. In the modern world, it is impossible to avoid negotiations, you will be a participant in them. The whole question is, are you ready to skillfully participate in them? Or be like that guy in the African market with a wooden souvenir in his hands?
Materials used in preparation:
Andrey Kurpatov "Halls of the Mind"
Diamond Stewart "Negotiations that work. 12 Strategies To Help You Get More In Any Situation "
Jim Camp" Say No First "
Allan and Barbara Pease " The Definitive Book of Body Language "
" Virtual Negotiations: 5 Tips for Successful Negotiations "