How to talk to employees. 7 forgotten aspects

Talking to employees is not really about "talking . " And not about the "active listening" method. I don't like all these artificial "techniques" at all. And here we will not be talking about techniques for attracting attention, waving hands and the prescribed duration of eye contact. A conversation with an employee is much more than just a conversation. And if at the dawn of my career as a manager I did not understand this well, then after more than 10 years of management I realized that some commonplaces are not at all like that.





_{And then it's time to stop and think about what mistakes people make most often. © Unsplash}

1. Purpose

The first thing to understand is that the conversation should always have a purpose .



The goal may be to improve discipline, develop some measures to change performance, obtain information for further analysis, etc. By the way, the goal may even be to improve the relationship with the employee. But there must be a goal.



If the goal implied some action on the part of the employee, then as a result of the conversation he should understand what needs to be changed , and he should have a desire to do it .



I repeat once again: it is not you who should think that the employee understands, and you should not have a desire to change something. You have to make sure the employee has it all .



And it often happens that the boss came, said, left. The party said "must", the Komsomol answered "yes." How did the employee understand? What will he do? Wouldn't he turn everything into an Italian strike because of internal disagreement and lack of desire?

2. Topic

It is imperative to prepare for the conversation. You have to think in advance how the conversation will be conducted. At least in general terms. And in difficult cases - and speak the conversation. In the process of preparation, when you play around difficult situations, it may turn out that you need additional information, and you will get it before the conversation and will not look stupid in the eyes of your employee.



A common preparation mistake is an unknown topic .





Do you like being helpless and not knowing what will be done to you?



An unknown topic is often also a method of manipulation and psychological influence, designed to deprive the interlocutor of arguments and basis in a conversation. I was lucky - I have a great team that is very open and does not like manipulation. But there are different situations.



Before they liked to address me with the words: "Sasha, we need to talk." I broke out of the schedule, agreed to talk, but it turned out that the person needed to discuss something in practice, which would be in a few months. A topic that I had absolutely nothing to do with. Why did we waste our time? By the way, we managed to turn that situation to the advantage - I realized that there is a gap with one of the processes, but the general meaning, I think, is clear.



The second option, when they say so, and then start some kind of difficult conversation, which actually requires you to raise old agreements with this person (which you seem to always remember, because this person is your only one, right? In his opinion? - Yes). And you have already been taken by surprise. And if the manipulator is competent, then it is not known where the conversation will lead you, and you can be considered either not able to make decisions, or make the wrong decisions, the employee may even want to just see your reaction to his words and draw some far-reaching conclusions.



Fortunately, these scenarios are infrequent, but it also happens: the employee really needed to talk to you. But since If you didn't know the topic, then the conversation dragged on, so you had to interrupt, or you needed additional information that you could request or find if you knew what was going on in advance.



Learn the topic . Just ask: "Tell me, what do you want to talk about so that I understand what will be required for the conversation?" Do not dismiss the employee with the words: "What is the topic, otherwise I do not have time for you?" You are the leader. You are available and open. You are a leader, not a person sitting somewhere high up, inaccessible even to those with whom you work. The era of big inaccessible buds is passing. To manage successfully, you need to successfully interact, negotiate and be open.



By the way, I had employees who liked to name one topic, and then came with another. Moreover, by their impatience and in general by their behavior, it was clear that they were going to raise the second one. This is also manipulation. If you are uncomfortable now discussing a new topic slipped into, do not be afraid to say : “Sorry, you didn’t voice this topic, so you’re not ready to talk about it. Let's discuss it a little later. " After one or two times, employees stop intentionally doing this.

3. Facts

Do not disdain facts, statistics, documents, etc. In some conversations (like discipline or poor performance), you won't get anywhere without it.



Does the person work badly? On what basis do you think so? How did you measure? When did this change?



Moreover, the answer “Vasya thinks that Petya is not working well” is not accepted. The opinions of third parties are not considered facts . Especially if the third party is insufficient authority in the eyes of the employee.

4. Settings

If you go to a conversation with the thoughts “He will not change, he has always been like this”, “He is uncontrollable and undisciplined”, “I have already decided everything” - do not go to this meeting . Why would you waste your time?



You must clearly understand: you may be wrong, you may not know something, a person may have a reason for such behavior that you do not know about. You must realize that together you are capable of solving the problem .

5. Sincerity

Sometimes it is difficult for me to congratulate people with whom I am at odds or with whom I am not very happy, and this is sometimes necessary. The congratulations show my attitude towards people. Therefore, firstly, I try not to congratulate people with whom I am unhappy, and secondly, I always try to find something good. And then congratulations come out easily and simply.



Whatever actor you are, you can feel insincerity . And repels. Don't play .



It is especially worth mentioning the dismissal here. Because it has a lot to do with the theme of sincerity.



Fire on time . When you leave, always talk (the now fashionable phrase exit interview, about which I would also like to write an article). During the conversation, thankperson for what he did for the company and for you. By firing, you get a person outside of your company who will tell others about your company. What do you want him to tell about her?





_{You can be such an evil gnome, but then do not be surprised that it is difficult for you to recruit staff and your referral program does not work. © Unsplash}



If you delay your dismissal, then you won't be able to sincerely thank the person. If you cannot sincerely thank a person for at least something (he also worked for you for some time, so he managed to do at least something good), then you pulled over with the dismissal. This is an indicator! This means that the employee has already managed to harm you more than good. And your sincerity should be an indicator of timeliness for you.



By the way, don't forget to watch your words . In many conversations, what you say and how you say it is sometimes more important than the rest of the preparation.



Sometimes, before very important meetings (for example, with the management), I even pronounce dialogues, as before negotiations, choosing words, arguments, intonations. This helps later in the conversation to quickly navigate, respond to cues.



Compare: “I heard your grandmother died. Well, I sympathize. Now let's discuss the problems associated with your work "and" I understand what a serious nervous and psychological shock you have now due to the death of a loved one. Probably, now it is difficult for you to concentrate and therefore you can make some mistakes. Let's discuss what we can do here. " For some, it’s a mess, but for others, you’ll then become the best manager in the world .



But remember: sincerely!

6. Distractions

One of the most painful questions for me. One of my biggest problems in conversation.

We are all supermen. We can all do several things at the same time. Well, at least a lot of people claim it.



Talk to a person and at the same time click on the letter that came? Listen and quickly respond to something in the chat? No problem. We know, we can, we practice. Alas.



Somehow a colleague (let's call her Lena) came to me with a problem. They started talking, in parallel I had several chats running, where I calmly read from time to time and answered, or did not answer. But very tenaciously and clearly kept the thread of the conversation with Lena. And at some point, after reading the next message, I thought. For 5-10 seconds, no more! And at the same moment Lena told me something, or even asked. I dont know. Because I auditioned.



She sighed and said quietly: "Sasha, it doesn't work like that . "



And it doesn't really work. Even if you are a super human. Even if you know how to listen and do something else. Even if you keep the thread of the conversation. The one who talks to you doesn't think so. Yes, he may be wrong. You can foaming at the mouth to him and to yourself to prove that you are not distracted. But respect for you melts away at such moments . Are you sure you want to lose trust and respect, won at a great price, for such a little thing?



Just listen, just don't get distracted.

7. Completion

And we return to the first point. About the goal, understanding and desire.



Do not hesitate to take to clarify the interlocutor, how he realized what you're talking about. No, it won't tell him that you think him stupid.



You can just say: "So, let's talk about what you and I decided to be on the same wavelength?"



Use questions like "Are you still confused about our decisions?" and others like them to check the motivation and finality of the agreements (just do not forget - each team has its own slang, somewhere this question may sound too formal and it would be more appropriate to ask a question in the style of "everything is good? agreed? or is there something else wrong?" or even "bro, why is so gloomy? Didn't they grind everything?", but I did not work in such teams as the last one).



In some cases, you can even ask to write “Follow-up notes” - agreements, steps to be taken, and other conclusions of the meeting. By the way, this is very useful if, for example, you extend the trial period or agree on what needs to be improved in your work. So that later neither you nor the employee would have the opportunity to say "uh, nope, we didn't agree that way."



If your goal was to improve relations, then it would be appropriate to clarify: "Is there anything else I can help you?", "Is there anything else bothering you?" Only sincerely. Don't think that this is "just for Americans." Our people also expect sympathy, want to share. It's just not always and not with everyone. And we need to work on this. But this is a completely different topic.



The same topic, in fact, is practically inexhaustible, but here I wanted to reveal those moments to which people very often turn a blind eye, considering it trivial, and therefore make a very large number of mistakes in them.



Let me know if this is helpful to anyone.



Thanks to all.