Playing with other people's cockroaches takes a tremendous amount of time and effort. And the higher your position, the more cockroaches you have to be friends - and your subordinates, and your managers, and your clients. Not to mention the cockroaches of loved ones, but there is no getting around here.
Who are cockroaches?
What kind of cockroaches? These are, let's say, the features of a particular personality. Usually, cockroaches in the head are cute and cool, they live quietly and do not bother anyone. A person only occasionally mentions them, usually - in a joking conversation, like "oh, it's cockroaches running around in my head, I sometimes even talk to them."
Cockroaches, as expected, live in a person's head. He either loves them or does not love them, knows how to suppress them, or obeys and feeds them, or does not know anything about them at all. But the main thing is that a person has cockroaches inside. Well, to hell with him, right? It's a personal matter of a person how to deal with their cockroaches.
Problems begin when all these little animals come out and interfere in human relations - both personal and work. We still do not see these cockroaches, but while communicating and working with a person, we gradually begin to understand that something is wrong here. He seems to be an adult, a decent person, but ...
One cannot work when it is noisy around, and capriciously demands silence. The other does not tolerate when his voice is raised at him - he roars, blushes, takes offense. The third works only if you praise him, otherwise he will sit and pout like a fairy princess. The fourth one eats so much garlic for breakfast that one can sit next to him only in a respirator, and is offended by remarks and hints. The fifth does not know how and does not want to learn to express his thoughts, and he freaks out all the time, because no one fucking understands that he is mumbling there. The sixth is afraid to say that he did not understand a damn thing, and will blunt to the last, just not to confess. The seventh claims that he will not read e-books, even on pain of execution - only paper books. The eighth cannot sit with his back to the door, because it spoils his energy (well, well, just Alt + Tab does not have time to press).And so on, ad infinitum.
One way or another, everyone has cockroaches. Their presence is as normal as a different skin color, face shape and eye shape. While a person keeps cockroaches in check, no one cares about him, except for doctors of various specialties.
The main trouble of cockroaches: nifiga it is not clear what they are. It always seems that a person has a real problem, or a limitation, or an approach, or who knows what else. Then, over time, with some probability, the truth will be revealed, but at first you are forced to believe, agree and follow. Play with cockroaches.
A man said that he cannot work when it is noisy. The truth cannot, or is it lying and fills its own worth? Maybe he is not allowed for medical reasons? Or maybe he just, as they say, "look what a swell"?
Well, let's say we tell him - dude, sorry, open office, the noise cannot be removed. Put on your headphones. He puts on, sits for a day, sits for two, and then says - I can't wear headphones, there are ants. What? What ants? Common, I can hear them. It is necessary to put the headphones in the oven, and then the ants will die (a real story, by the way).
Don't you think that sometimes we strangers' cockroaches become too full-fledged participants in the work process? From which moment?
We play with other people's cockroaches
There are decent people who keep all their "features" to themselves, not spreading about them, not imposing on anyone and, God forbid, not including their little friends in work processes.
And there are people who are not very decent. Those who consider themselves have the right to let the animals go for a walk. And not just expose - they say, take whoever you want (what kind of fool would agree?), But impose, vpendyurivat, demand.
As a rule, these people are endowed with power - and not necessarily formal. For example, if you are a leader, then your subordinates have power over you. Moreover, sometimes more than you are above them. Especially if you choose the “fatherly” leadership style (according to Goleman's classification) - babysitting with the team, talking a lot, supporting in difficult times, helping to solve problems ... Does it look like anything? A bit like a kindergarten, where the teacher wipes the kids' snot.
Don't get me wrong - I am not a supporter of hard management, totalitarianism, planned economy or anything like that. I just want to draw your attention to the dominance of cockroaches. If your relationship with your subordinates has gone further than “How are you? “Everything is good!”, Then, with a high probability, other people's cockroaches are already running under your table (and maybe on it).
As soon as a subordinate, or a colleague, or even a boss opens his soul to you, arranges an "emotional striptease", together with secret personal information, he dumps out a bunch of insects, with which you will have to tinker with him. You don't have much choice if you are not a complete scumbag and an adherent of some psychological school that teaches methods of ignoring reality.
When the management is tough, you are not interested in what this pathetic worm is mumbling. He understands this, so he will shut up and leave the cockroaches in the pen.
Subordinate cockroaches
I had a subordinate programmer, trainee. Neither before nor after I have ever met such interesting cockroaches. When I explained something to him for a long time - a problem, or some kind of mechanism, or there objects and their methods - it doesn't matter, he always answered at the end - damn it, I didn't understand anything, I have a mess in my head. Here is this addition at the end, about the mess in his head - his favorite, big, fat and insolent cockroach. Well this is necessary, eh? I, being then a manager of average softness, at first listened to the programmer, trying to understand what was going on in his head? Are there any special difficulties?
I had several conversations (= made friends with his cockroaches), tried to explain in a different way (= tried to speak the language of the cockroach), carefully delved into past work experience, hoping to find the reasons for the porridge in my head (= asked the cockroaches, who are they, where will you be from) ... As a result, he spat and said: you got it already! All people, like people, sit and understand, ask questions, smoke manuals, try and do! You alone will caulk my brains with your porridge!
And nothing! He survived for a couple of days, then drove the cockroaches into the cranium, and after a few months he became a decent, respected and normally evaluated specialist on our collective farm market.
Cockroaches are distinguished by some inexplicability, pretentiousness, strangeness. They seem to be out of the ordinary. The terms "damn it, some kind of crap" or "yes, it's just your own weird problem" suits them well.
Another important difference between cockroaches is that they almost always serve the sense of self-importance of their creator, because they are generated by this very SSV. A person wants his cockroaches to be stroked, fed and praised. Just like small children are proud of their poop - size, shape, and, in general, the very fact of their appearance.
The main thing is to identify cockroaches. We are so used to them that we don't even notice how we ourselves open the pen and release our cockroaches so that they can play with strangers. And why, suddenly make friends.
Bosses cockroaches
I had such a situation at work: three bosses. They all somehow obey each other, but that doesn't matter. The problem is that I communicated with them all at the same time, and not in a chain. Mostly by email.
Here is the first one, in communication - no cockroaches at all. You can write at any time, will answer guaranteed within 24 hours. Usually within a few minutes. Will digest any letter - both long and short. He liked even more long ones, sometimes asked to write them - detailed, with analysis, etc.
The second - already with a couple of cockroaches. Doesn't digest too long letters. Medium - normal, short - does not like, but tolerate. True, if the letter is short, it will still ask several clarifying questions, and as a result, the correspondence will be long.
The third is a walking insectarium. First, only short letters. Only and extremely short. Secondly, no more than twice a week - from me in the sense. If you write more, it won't read. He even invented a breed for his cockroaches - "comfortable mode".
And what to do with such? The normal process - to write one letter and send it to three addressees - does not work, because someone will definitely be unhappy (although you can get over it), but, most importantly, he will not read, or will not understand, or will not answer, or will not agree - in short, will not do what I need.
And so, instead of working normally, I sit and feed the cockroaches. I write a long letter to one, an average letter, to a third a short one. As princes in the field I equip from a bow to shoot, in search of brides.
If I could influence a subordinate, then it is problematic for managers. No, in the end, of course, it turned out to push through and reduce the number of letter formats to one, but how much time was wasted?
In all companies, a huge number of cockroaches are running around. Everyone plays with them, talks, discusses, hates or laughs. I will give a couple of examples of my colleagues.
Cockroaches colleagues
Do you know the anecdote? There is a girl - fat, scary, covered in pimples - looks in the mirror and says: all people are like people, and I am a queen! So Marina was the same, only not fat, and not scary.
Everyone can be given a task directly through the order management system, but Marina cannot. Only through the approval of the director. What does it mean? At least three days plus the due date. Even if the result is needed tomorrow.
Why is that? After all, Marina is not a director, but only one of the leaders. Because Marina got her cockroach breed "I occupy an important position, I do important work and there is nothing to distract me with any nonsense." Well, I made everyone around this cockroach respect.
True, Marina did not take into account that she also hooked the director - not only do you have to coordinate some kind of crap all the time, but also listen to complaints, and sometimes be somehow guilty if you agree on a task for a long time. Sensitive, but still stroking other people's cockroaches. As a result, the system for approving orders for Marina was canceled.
Or Inga. She worked as an economist, sat with other aunts and the boss in the office. And then something terrible happened - they decided to buy new furniture for the office. It would seem, where can cockroaches come from here?
And Inga found it. When the furniture was distributed, she began to whine that she did not get the largest table. And he got, I must say, the boss - in fact, she ordered it for herself.
Inga also released cockroaches of the breed "irrational argumentation". She said that she humiliated her boss by taking the largest table for herself. She told everyone, from economists to the owner. She did not hesitate to go anywhere, she launched cockroaches at every door.
The cockroaches were so stupid and arrogant that the boss gave Inge the table, just not to bother with them anymore.
HR cockroaches
I also know cockroaches that each of us had fun with. They are called something like this - "oh, that's it, you understand a lot in HR-methods, come on, take this test." Yes, yes, we are talking about the millions of tests and questionnaires that we go through before getting a job, when applying for a job, during work, before leaving work, etc. (funny - as if I list the events of the object).
This is completely pointless crap, practically speaking. In theory, there is a lot of benefit in tests, but only in one case: if you use their results. In practice, this rarely happens, and the tests simply translate the paper. And they force us and all our colleagues to dance with other people's cockroaches in order to scratch the CSV of cute girls from HR.
There are, of course, cases when HR says "damn it, I know that all this is crap, but the management demanded, you tick the box and I will leave behind." In my practice, there were 50% of them, the rest sincerely believed in the power of statistics and psychology.
Rebel cockroaches
Madly love to release cockroaches of all kinds of truth-fighters, including in IT. Well, you know, those who “can't do that!” Or “first put things in order in the processes, then automate!”. These guys are full of cockroaches of all kinds.
At first, they will yell and stamp their feet, fiercely drawing attention to themselves. Like, all around are mediocrities, idlers and ghouls, and I am D'Artagnan. Everyone, especially the leadership, will come up, ask, console, delve into the details. Well, you get the idea. Come on, release, dear you are our Gascon.
Then, of course, they will figure out that this is just another hysterical, which does not understand a damn thing either in processes, or in management, or in business. I memorized a few slogans, taught the cockroaches to do this, and forced, the bully, us to communicate with his insectarian. Fortunately, if kicked out.
And if they don't get kicked out, then the dude will change his clothes and demand TK, SZ, FT or any other bureaucratic combination of letters. Yesterday's ambition of a righteous man and a rebel will disappear somewhere, and D'Artagnan will turn into our usual Russian CIO. With his favorite cockroach: "We will do it, of course, but we need a schedule, task, architecture, functional requirements, etc."
It is clear that paperwork is needed if the project is large, or the contractor is external. These are not cockroaches, but reality (although, who knows ...). But our dude will require a technical specification for each internal automation task. Because it is necessary and correct. This is a cockroach that will live here. Either they will get used to it, or the bastard will be kicked out, and he will go to scratch his CSV in another place.
Commentators cockroaches
I have been writing articles not so long ago, about three years. If you noticed, I respond to comments quite rarely and selectively.
And when I wrote the first articles, I answered everyone. Then each one answered me. Then I told him. Etc.
I have not seen cockroaches. It seemed to me that people are really interested, and from their "fu, some kind of crap. Whether it's XXX or YYY, ”a useful and interesting discussion will come out!
And it wasn't even trolling. It's just that people released their cockroaches on the Internet, tk. saw that there was a great company for them - a young stupid author who does not distinguish cockroaches from intellect.
We probably noticed that commentators do not communicate with each other very often, because they are competitors. It is like the fruit sellers in the market will start buying apples from each other.
In all honesty, we can say: at least half of all comments can be replaced with the phrase "look what a tarakaha". It doesn't matter what they are called there, what parts they consist of, and what color they are. Of course, this is not about you, dear reader.
People without cockroaches
There are, of course. There are plenty of them, especially among programmers, many of whom are well-educated introverts with a broad outlook and respect for other people's opinions.
Introverts have even more cockroaches than everyone else combined, but they don't have the habit of releasing them.
A person who keeps cockroaches in a pen can be defined as accurately as possible by the word "adequate". The word is hackneyed, and its meaning is sometimes forgotten, but now, right now, stop your attention on it and ponder its meaning.
Adequate. Can you just be adequate? No, this is not a word divorced from reality. You can be adequate to something. The most correct thing is probably to be adequate to the environment. Do not adjust to it, but conform to it. Sometimes “fit with the environment” means “fight with the environment,” right? If the environment itself calls for it.
Okay, digress. A man with cockroaches in his head, and not on the table, is adequate. Works normally, talks normally, reacts normally. No "crap of some sort" is visible.
And if it is visible, then an adequate person can explain everything, and so that it becomes clear not only to him alone. Well that is the explanation will not be "because because" or "because gladiolus."
Or, as an option, an explanation will not follow if an adequate person understands - he is not offered to explain, but to play with cockroaches, the breed “well explain your behavior to me”.
So what?
If I knew, I would say.
Let's keep our cockroaches to ourselves. True, I'm tired of it. Every time to guess, the person is telling the truth, or the cockroaches are dismissed. I just can't learn this. I doubt it, like a fool, even when I read the comments. But what if? What if I'm wrong, and this is the one adequate? And all his cockroaches in the house? And I, finally, will talk to an adequate person?
I hold on, of course, although sometimes I break down. Well, I am also convinced that I played catch-up with cockroaches again. And still I can’t understand why? Why do adults, adequate, decent-looking people have so many problems? And not hidden, but on display, almost like an achievement?
Just for the sake of self-importance? So this is all bullshit. Feeling important is like a mosquito bite. The more you scratch, the more you want.
Well, a couple of tips for lovers of cockroaches to walk. I know that this is not about you, dear reader, but suddenly, somewhere somewhere, sometime ...
Letting out cockroaches is a technique that, with the proper skill, can be used in a certain situation. But in a work setting, such situations are very rare. So rare that you shouldn't even try.
If you decided and used it, then know how to stop in time. Do not forget that cockroaches are some kind of crap. Bullshit, bullshit, fiction, mirage, chimera. Accordingly, after some time the truth will be revealed, and something will have to be explained.
Well, don't forget about responsibility. If you deceived someone, calling cockroaches a real problem, and the person fell for, fooled around with the animals and did not notice, remember - you did nasty things. It's like pretending to be weak, sitting on a porch and begging for alms. And when they serve, laugh after suckers.