Who am I?
Hello! I am 20 years old and I do not like my life, from the word, at all. Perhaps this is how you can describe the life of a person with EDI (eating disorder).
ERP includes anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, and a number of other disorders. Eating disorders are classified as mental disorders.
Both laughter and sin, but just during the quarantine period, the beginning of my mental health flew to hell, hello depression and anxiety.
I'm so tired of myself. I feel very lonely, I don't believe in anything and I'm afraid of everything. As if in a dead end: it is so hard for me to see so much happiness and joy in people, while I have emptiness and sheer disappointment in my soul. - notes from my diary.
A little prehistory
In 2018, I got sick with anorexia . In a year I lost 20 kg and then my weight was 42 kg with a height of 178 cm. Why did I start losing weight? Everything is very simple - alluring dreams of a modeling career, contracts with Gucci and Dior, covers on glossy magazines and travels around the world. All that was needed for this was to remove a couple of extra pounds. Well, I took a little walk here. Instead of 3 kg, I dropped as many as 20. How? Easy! I just stopped eating. A couple of tablespoons of porridge for breakfast, boiled broccoli for lunch, but I don't even remember for dinner. Did I even have it? Hardly. Oh yes! Also, 20,000 steps are required daily.
— , . - , .Of course, over time, my parents recognized an obvious problem and took me to the clinic, where they assigned me a huge amount of enzymes, hepatoprotectors and examinations. Then there was not very good news for all of us: the pancreas was enlarged 3 times, some kind of bend in the liver, and, of course, problems with gynecology. Then I was very scared. I was still afraid of food, but I realized that I could just die if I did not stop my "diets". It was just hell. I had to eat and drink a lot of pills. After a year of suffering, I fully recovered. And I gained 20 kg.
After getting rid of one disease, I acquired another - compulsive overeating .
Binge-eating disorder (abbreviated as BED) is an eating disorder that is excessive eating, leading to excess weight, and is a response to distress. It can follow the loss of loved ones, accidents and emotional distress, especially in those predisposed to overweight.Sometimes it's okay to overeat . However, people who obsessively overeat use food as the only way to overcome negative emotions and apathy (my situation). As a result, the situation gets out of control. All thoughts are only about food, and then wine, shame and depression.
It's not just New Year's or DR overeating. This is when you are consumed by shame and a deep sense of guilt towards yourself 24/7.
How does it start?
In some cases, people simply overeat out of habit, such as always sitting down with a bag of chips in front of the TV at night. But it is often the result of hidden emotional problems.
People with binge eating disorder consume excessive amounts of food not because they are hungry, but in order to feel better, to feel needed. But in response, they get the opposite - a loss of control over themselves and the feeling of their own insignificance. And the food begins again.
Compulsive binge eating is not due to hunger
People with binge eating disorder may snack frequently or graze by the refrigerator all day. May become overly obsessed with food, secretly fantasizing about a burger or cake, inventing ways to "eat" alone.
Binge eating often leads to weight gain and obesity, but not every obese person is prone to binge eating disorder; people of normal or average weight also struggle with binge eating disorder. Psychological illnesses, as well as physical illnesses such as diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease, often complicate unhealthy attitudes towards food.
Signs of binge eating disorder
This eating disorder is often associated with other problems that threaten both emotional and physical health. Some indications include:
- depression or anxiety;
- feelings of guilt or shame;
- post-traumatic stress disorder;
- biopolar disorder;
- withdrawal from social situations or events;
- fatigue.
One of the difficulties in determining if you have binge eating disorder is that no one really knows exactly what "binge eating" is. But here are some signs:
- eat faster than usual;
- eat until oversaturation;
- eat when you are not physically hungry;
- eat alone or in secret;
- feeling of guilt after overeating;
- feeling hopeless, as if you are possessed;
- attempts to compensate for overeating with diet or food restriction.
Descriptions of victims may include the following comments:
- I'm not hungry, I'm just addicted - it's like a drug. The more food I have, the more I want to eat.
- I eat so fast as if tomorrow never comes. And always a secret.
- I bring food to bed, and in the morning I put the wrappers in the bin so no one knows what I was eating.
- I eat little in front of others, but I eat a lot when I get home.
- I constantly go to the fridge looking for something to satisfy me.
- I always go for sweets.
- I eat when I am happy and I eat when I am sad, but usually this is not because I am hungry.
What's wrong with you?
I feel ashamed every day. As soon as I see the refrigerator, I turn into a food processor. During the pandemic, I ate 3-4k calories daily, naturally, I recovered a little. I have a special mania for sweets. I can eat 2 bars of chocolate at a time (damn it, why is it sweet, it would be better if I ate a pan of buckwheat).
What am I leading all this to
If you see a person with similar problems in your life, please hear him and try to pull him out of this swamp. Here you need the help of a qualified specialist (psychotherapist), but first you need to direct the patient in the right direction. Indifference on your part is the worst that can be. Unfortunately, I came across indifference very often, and I know for sure that loneliness is slowly killing a person from the inside. It is because of loneliness and lack of support that there are so many cases of suicide in the world.
So take care, love and accept yourself!
PS: I myself am now in search of a psychotherapist, so a start has been made.